In midlife, as in yoga, we are called to be present to how our body IS, right now.
Middle age is not for the faint of heart. For that matter, middle age isn’t for the faint of shoulder, knee, or hip, either! It’s no secret that an increase in physical challenges is one of the 
most noticeable and difficult parts of the midlife journey for many women and men.
In midlife, people with chronic health issues often find their physical problems become more serious. Or, if you’ve been a pretty healthy person, middle age may be the first time you face real physical vulnerabilities. Activities you used to be able to do easily may become more difficult.
By the time you hit forty, your knees, back, and shoulders have had decades of wear and tear. For women, hormones may shift dramatically before and during menopause, contributing to new physical and emotional challenges. In midlife, we need to adapt physically—and perhaps change our assumptions mentally, emotionally and spiritually. (For more on the challenges of midlife, see my article Midlife Crisis? Or Midlife Quest? Navigating Middle Age With Purpose And Grace).
Out of Balance?
In my mid-forties, I started having some trouble with balance. I wasn’t accidentally falling over or anything like that. I noticed my balance issues most when doing yoga. I was a little….well, “wobbly.” It happened most often when doing a yoga pose in which I needed to balance on one foot.
I had done yoga off and on since my mid-twenties. But this was the first time I’d practiced regularly in a studio, with trained teachers instead of a DVD or a book. I’ve had wonderful teachers at Source Yoga in Tacoma. I liked how they challenged me, encouraging their students to explore our “comfortable edge.” That helped me to go a little deeper into a pose than I would on my own, and to do it safely.
I liked that challenge. Except when it came to balance poses, that is! Tree Pose was especially frustrating. In the fullest expression of Tree Pose (Vrksasana), you’re balancing on one foot, with the other foot placed high on your inner thigh, arms raised overhead. You can watch a video that shows how to do Tree Pose here.
I have kind of a “love-hate relationship” with Tree Pose. It’s a beautiful pose. It’s very strengthening, calming and centering. I was able to get my foot up high on my leg. But once I started to raise my arms overhead, often I would lose my balance. So I usually needed to modify the pose, with my foot low on my calf. On days when balance was especially challenging, I’d do Tree in “kick-stand position,” with my toe on the floor, as in the photo below:
Still, something in me wanted to be able to do Tree Pose the way I thought I should do Tree Pose: balanced on one foot, the other foot perched high on my standing leg, arms spread like graceful branches. You know, the pretty, fancy way. It was hard to accept the limitations of my middle aged body.
Fast-forward a couple of years. Eventually I realized that my balance problem was probably caused by the limited range of motion in the big toe joint of my right foot. “Hallux limitus” is the fancy Latin name. Hallux = Big Toe. Limitus = limited motion of the toe joint. Basically, I had arthritis in my big toe.
Over time I figured out that my toe problem was probably the root of my balance problems. And my running problems. And maybe my creaky knees, and my occasional hip issues….you get the idea. The body is an integrated whole. Problems with one part of the body affect other parts of the body as well.
Yup. Middle age is not for the faint of heart!
Middle Age Physical Challenges: Frustration….and Fear
In midlife, it’s easy to get frustrated when your body isn’t able to do what it used to do. Or what you want it to do. I’m fortunate. I haven’t had cancer, a serious car accident, or a traumatic brain injury. But I found that my foot issues opened up a place of vulnerability in me that I didn’t recognize.
I think what was below the surface of my frustration was really fear. Fear about changes to my lifelong “healthy-person identity.” Fear that I may not be able to run anymore. That tiresome, ever-present fear of weight gain that so many American women and girls have.
…what was below the surface of my frustration was really fear.
Eventually, I had foot surgery to correct the problem. My doctor discovered I actually had a broken toe bone I’d been walking (and running, and doing yoga) on for years. No wonder my body was “out of balance!” I did some rehab (lots of calf-stretches!), and switched from running to walking. I got back on my yoga mat. Some poses I could do, some I couldn’t. And I learned to modify Tree Pose without feeling quite so frustrated.
Finding A New Balance
During midlife, we’re called to “find a new balance.” We need to face the frustrations and fears we have about aging. We may need to re-prioritize our lives physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. Doing so can help us create a “second half of life” that’s more mindful, vibrant, and congruent with the person we truly are inside.
Our middle aged bodies give us important messages about literal, physical adaptations we may need in order to be healthy. And sometimes those physical realities can be a metaphor for broader changes we need to make, changes that can help us rebalance and renew ourselves for our life’s journey.
With a lot of patience, I’ve gradually been able to find better balance in Tree Pose. I still usually need to modify the pose in some way. And that’s okay. I’ve also started running again–not as often, not fast, not far–but perhaps a little more mindfully.
Last summer I tried running while on vacation in the Midwest on some long, country roads. I had a new phone with a better camera, so decided to take some photos along the way. The camera helped me be more present to my surroundings–especially the trees.
I noticed how unique each tree was. There were big, healthy, full-branched trees. Dead trees that had been hit by lightning. There were small trees with gnarly branches. Some trees leaned sharply towards the East, asymmetrical, shaped by the wind. I found myself thinking the words:
“Every tree is a piece of art.”
Oh.
Remember my “love/hate” relationship with Tree Pose? If “every tree is a piece of art”—big and small ones, full-branched and asymmetrical ones, gnarly and lightning-struck ones—could this also be true of yoga practice?
Could it be true of life, as well?
Good art isn’t always classically beautiful. Art also challenges us. It makes us question our assumptions about life, the world around us, ourselves. It makes us laugh sometimes, or cry. Art invites us into deeper connection with the world, with other beings, with ourselves, and with the Sacred. Yoga does that too.
And so do the challenges that life brings us. Even the challenges of middle age.
In midlife, as in yoga practice, we are called to be present to how our body IS, right now. Not how it used to be, or how we think it should be.
When we practice yoga, we bring to our mats not only our desire to feel better, to get stronger or more flexible. We also bring our frustrations and our fears. That rectangle of rubber–our yoga mat–becomes a sanctuary, an altar where we can lay bare old wounds, insecurities, confusions and joys. In midlife, as in yoga practice, we are called to be present to how our body IS, right now. Not how it used to be, or how we think it should be. We can make literal, physical changes that help preserve or even increase our health and vitality into the future.
And sometimes those physical changes are lovely metaphors for the rest of life, as well.
If you’ve been struggling with finding balance (literally or figuratively!), or with other midlife challenges, perhaps it’s time to talk to someone who can help you sort things through. Give me a call at (253) 761-8808 x2, or email me at joanna@soulcarepsychotherapy.com if you’d like to talk about making an appointment.
© 2014 Joanna Robinson, M.Div., M.Ed. All Rights Reserved. No part of this article may be distributed without permission.